The Magnificence Of The Beard

Last October, for the first time ever, I grew a full beard. It took an eternity of 6 weeks before I stopped looking like a mangy dog. The itching was almost unbearable in week two, but I manned up and got through it. My chin is more gray than last time I had a goatee, but only on half of it. I call it my “sideways skunk.”

BeardsSome of my observations of the beard…

  1. As the picture proves, a beard makes you a better preacher. (Does anyone know who the guy on the upper left is?)
  2. The mangy phase really does look as bad as you think it does.
  3. When you dribble your coffee out of your mouth, you don’t have to worry about it getting on your shirt.
  4. Your face stays warmer on cold days. (Really, this is true.)
  5. Other men are jealous of the beard.
  6. Other men are inspired by the beard to grow beards of their own.
  7. Three-year-old little girls won’t kiss you anymore, but they want a beard too when they grow up.
  8. Five-year-old little girls think it’s cool, and they wiggle uncontrollably when you rub it on their tummies.
  9. Eight-year-old girls get tired of you talking about how awesome your beard is, and think it’s funny to grab and pull it. Not funny. Not at all.
  10. The beard is great for costume parties. You could be a biker, a woodman, a priest, a monk, a hermit, a Jedi, a homeless man, a wizard (but not a Hobbit), or a bearded mail man.
  11. Beard + hat – suit = Clark Kent-like anonymity
  12. The wife thinks it odd that it takes time to groom and comb the beard. She can’t fully appreciate the magnificence.
  13. The wife struggles to express her thoughts about the beard, which probably means she loves it.
  14. When the bearded man goes in to kiss his wife, her closed eyes shouldn’t be mistaken for a flinch. She is anticipating the magnificence.

5 thoughts on “The Magnificence Of The Beard

  1. 15. The beard makes your face fatter. (Wait until you shave it off, then you’ll believe it).
    16. Prolonged existence of the beard leads to migration of hair from the top of your head to your neck.

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